Setting Healthy Boundaries: A Guide for Stronger Relationships
Healthy relationships are the cornerstone of a fulfilling life. But just like a garden needs fences to thrive, relationships need boundaries to flourish. Boundaries are defined as guidelines that define acceptable behavior and create a safe space for everyone involved.
You may be asking, “Why are boundaries important? They can be so difficult to set.”
Boundaries are crucial for several reasons:
Protect Your Well-Being: Boundaries can help you by preventing others from taking advantage of your time, energy, or resources. Because many of us are naturally people-pleasers, we can regularly lose control of our ability to separate our needs from those of others. This can lead to burn out, stress, and overwhelm.
Promote Respect: By setting boundaries, you communicate your needs and expectations. This leads to mutual respect for both involved, which is extremely important in any relationship.
Reduce Conflict: Clear boundaries help avoid misunderstandings and resentment. In many conflicts, the ultimate root is simply a miscommunication driven by assumptions or an unclear perspective. When we are tired, not expressing our needs, or avoiding a difficult conversation because of concern over the other person’s feelings, it can only cause additional conflict to arise.
Maintain Individuality: Healthy boundaries allow you to maintain your identity and interests. In any relationship, success of that relationship is dependent on both individuals giving and receiving based on their unique perspectives or needs. Without boundaries, a relationship can become one-sided very quickly and in turn become more of a burden than an enjoyable and nurturing experience.
Now that we have taken the time to define why boundaries are important, let’s take some time to explore how to establish healthy boundaries with different people in your life.
Spouses/Partners
Discuss privacy expectations around finances, phones, and social media. Our world is a busy one, and there are constant demands on our time, energy, and treasure. Without discussing our unique viewpoints or needs in each of these areas, we leave our spouse or partner room to assume or guess. In many cases, they might not always guess correctly. Instead of being frustrated, communication and boundaries are key in these areas to provide a healthy environment for enjoying time together.
Set boundaries around household chores and childcare responsibilities. Each partner comes into a relationship with environmental assumptions based on what they believe or have witnessed in their life before being in a relationship with you. If you don’t set the standard in your relationship that may cause each of you to evolve or sacrifice, the relationship is bound to be filled with constant conflict… and who enjoys that?
Communicate your needs for quality time and individual space. Those we are closest to often receive the least of our time and energy because of what we face in our life and careers outside of our home each day. Ensure that your partner is a priority in your relationship by regularly communicating with each other how you want to receive love, spend time together, and when you need space for yourself.
Children
Establish consistent rules and consequences for behavior. Children are human sponges, absorbing views about life and decision-making based on what they are witnessing on a daily basis. With that being said, setting boundaries in a parental role can be paramount to your child growing up with an understanding of what they will face in adulthood.
Define appropriate screen time and technology use. While this hasn’t always been a need in parenting, our modern age dictates an evolved need to put boundaries around time in front of a screen consuming information you as a parent may not always be able to control. Ensure your child continues to focus on soft skills like active listening, making conversation, and social interaction.
Respect their privacy as they grow older. None of us enjoy seeing our little ones become adults overnight! But, it is a fact of life, and with that comes a transition in the layers of independence and respect we offer our kids. Remain a part of their lives by encouraging open dialogue, but be sure to allow them the boundaries of independence and processing time they need.
Extended Family
Set boundaries around unsolicited advice or criticism. While we all love Aunt Karen, she may not always be a voice we receive well. Instead of allowing the bitterness and annoyance to fester internally during an awkward interaction, instead provide her with an explanation as to why that doesn’t always feel appropriate to you.
Limit visits or interactions if necessary for your well-being. There are some families that have wonderful relationships and want to spend a lot of time together. Other times, that’s not applicable, and that’s okay! Prioritize time with your family when it’s important to you and ensure that when it’s time to have your space you do that too.
Communicate your parenting style and expectations for interactions with your children. As we become parents, many of our adult figures will have thoughts and opinions, many times innocently offering advice to be helpful. We can set boundaries around these opportunities for discussion by letting them know why we are making the decisions we are making, and indicating that we will open the door for advice when we truly desire it.
Remember, setting boundaries is an ongoing process. It requires open communication, assertiveness, and self-compassion. By setting healthy boundaries, you create a foundation for stronger, more fulfilling relationships with the people you care about most.
Do you struggle with setting boundaries in your relationships? Consider requesting an intake to discuss how therapy can help you develop assertive communication skills and create healthier dynamics within your family unit.
